I feel like I am always feeling guilty for what I'm doing/not doing with Audrey. I get newsletters in my inbox from BabyCenter informing me of milestones Audrey should be hitting based on her age. Usually she's met about 20% of them. Of course, they always throw in the obligatory "every baby is different" disclaimer at the end, but it never helps me from feeling like she's behind somehow. I've had to learn to get over it. Audrey's smart, mobile, and if she's not doing what BabyCenter says she should, she eventually will. I have yet to meet a grown adult who couldn't walk because their mother didn't spend enough time engaging them to develop their motor skills. So, eat it, BabyCenter.
My newest form of mom guilt is coming from the nursing realm of motherhood. A week from Saturday, I will have a 9-month-old baby. Time is just whizzing by. As she gets older, she gets more interested in grown-up food. This morning, Tony fed her some YoBaby yogurt for breakfast and she "pounded it" (his words). When he brought her to me before he left for work (thanks for the extra 40 minutes of sleep, babe!) I prepared myself to nurse her, as per our usual routine. Audrey wasn't the slightest bit interested. Okay, I'll give her an hour since she recently pounded her yogurt. 9 a.m. rolls around and I realize she hasn't nursed since 3 a.m. She's getting grumpy, so I try to nurse her. She eats a bit and then gets distracted by the remote. Despite removing all forms of distraction, she still refuses to nurse. She rubs her eyes, and I put her down for her nap.
I started realizing that yesterday Audrey only nursed 4 times. She usually goes 6-8. She's been eating lots of solid foods lately and even when she does nurse she's always wanting more, so we'll give her some formula or some "grown-up food." I researched weaning online to see if maybe she was showing signs of being ready. I felt so guilty that Audrey wasn't interested in nursing today after reading articles and forums online! I had always planned to begin weaning at a year, which is only three months away, but now I feel like a bad mom because I don't want to nurse Audrey until she's two! I have my own personal reasons for wanting to stop at a year and I hate that so many mothers online try to make you feel like crap if you don't nurse as long as they plan to.
In the end, I know that I am doing the best I can for Audrey, and that I would never do anything that would put her health and well-being in jeopardy. I clear everything I do with her pediatrician and she's been growing well, always well above the 80th percentile for her age in nearly every category. I'm so lucky to have mom friends who are realistic and supportive and would never give me the side eye for weaning Audrey at a year, or for occasionally giving her a bottle of formula when she seems unsatisfied. There's already enough to feel stressed about with a baby, so I'm done reading forums about weaning. If Audrey is done nursing, she's done, and we'll do it her way. Forcing her to continue would be stressful for both of us. We'll just play it by ear and see what happens! Luckily she has an appointment in two weeks so I can talk to her doctor about it.
For all you guilt-laden moms out there: you rock. You rock so hard. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You know, I don't think there's another topic out there that women are more opinionated about than nursing! It drives me CRAZY!! Every woman's situation with her child is different, and no woman should ever judge or make others feel bad when they don't know what's it like for that person. You have done a FANTASTIC job for nursing Audrey 9 months!! Way to go! Don't feel even the slightest bit guilty for not making it to a year (or longer!). Many babies naturally wean themselves, and maybe it's Audrey's time. She does seem to have quite the appetite, so I'm sure if she does continue nursing, it will be just a few times a day, for a few minutes a time. And that's fine, since she's getting plenty of nourishment elsewhere. I struggled terribly the whole 8 months I nursed. I nursed all. day. long. and Eli was never able to nurse without me using the nipple shield. It was a nightmare. His weight was always in the 2nd or 3rd percentile, so I was always given a hard time about nursing, and had to supplement with formula from Day 1. Even though he was spitting up LOADS, I was always made to feel guilty that maybe I just didn't make enough milk for him, and he was essentially always hungry (which could have played into why he slept so poorly). It's a terrible guilt to put on a mother who sacrifices so much for her child, and is the sole provider of feeding her baby, and keeping them happy and healthy. Don't pay any mind to what anyone else says. You know what's best for her and yourself, and you just have to do what works for your situation.
ReplyDeleteYou know you can always call me! I am a pro at not nursing.....Unfortunately I am also a pro at feeling guilty about it, but I think I have conquered that guilt! :) Seriously don't look on the internet for anything about nursing because it will make you want to jump off of a cliff. Just know that you are an amazing mother and all that matters is that you have a healthy and happy baby!
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ReplyDeleteThanks, guys! It's so hard when you want so badly to do things well and it always seems like there's SOMETHING to make you feel stupid about. I have to just keep it between Audrey and me and do what works best for us.
ReplyDeleteI stopped at nine months with my second. Four months with my first. NOT a problem!
ReplyDeleteMaybe this puts me in the bad, judgey-mom category, but nursing til 2 sounds Cuh-RAZY! It's almost like nursing to 2 and do medicine-free births makes them feel better about themselves. Whatever, to each their own. I'm glad their own way doesn't have to be mine!
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