9/5/12

Troubles in Toddler Discipline

I've been struggling lately with the whole concept of "disciplining" Audrey.  I realize that she is only 15 months old, and discipline isn't entirely necessary, except that it is.  Audrey understands the word "no" and she understands "I don't think so!" She knows when she is doing something naughty.  I know this because she will look at me say "no no no!" grin, and do it anyway.  If I give a firm "no" she giggles.  If I move her hands, she giggles.  I try to explain to her why things are dangerous and can hurt her.  She knows the word "ouch" and uses it quite a bit during the day because she's constantly falling.  I hate using "no" so much, and plane to tone the usage of that word WAY down in the future, but for now it is a simple way to communicate to her and something she understands.

Some things I don't want Audrey to do, she just simply doesn't understand.  Let me give you an example:

Saturday Audrey had an ice cream scoop, one of her many favorite kitchen items.  It has a metal scoop and a soft, rubbery handle.  I realize this isn't an optimal toy for a toddler, but she sneaks it out of the babyproofed drawers on a daily basis.  I try to pick my battles wisely and so I sometimes allow her to play with said scoop.  Anyway, she was taking this scoop and banging our coffee table with it, making dings in the furniture.  I said to Audrey, "no no!  That hurts the table, ouch!" All she did was repeat what I said, and continue the behavior.  Tony suggested I remove the scoop from the situation and THEN explain.  Well that went over well...as soon as I took her scoop she was in full hysterics on the floor.  A beautiful example of your stereotypical toddler tantrum.  Yes, explaining that the scoop would hurt the table would be wonderfully effective at this point.  Once she stopped crying and said, "please?" to get her scoop back, I handed it to her.  She again started banging the table, and the whole ugly cycle repeats itself.

My concern here is that Audrey didn't understand that I didn't want her to bang the table.  For all she knows, I just didn't want her to have the scoop.  I don't know how to teach Audrey in these situations exactly which behavior I do not condone.  Audrey understands so much, and is so good at talking and using her words, but it is hard to communicate (and understand for that matter) this kind of stuff at her age. 

Audrey isn't a bad kid.  She's just a curious toddler who gets into things and explores.

So, here's where you all come in.  Tell me your methods.  Recommend your books.  Send me your YouTube videos.  I need some guidance here.  I have been very well trained in Love and Logic, and used it daily for my job as a preschool teacher.  I think it is wonderfully effective and helpful.  However, Love and Logic, in my opinion, is geared toward older children.  Once she turns 2 and 3, we will be all over Love and Logic.  I've read a bit of Dr. Harvy Karp's The Happiest Toddler on the Block and while I see some good things in methodologies, I'm not totally convinced.  I know that communication is key in scaling back tantrums and that miscommunication is the main reason tantrums erupt, but I just need to understand the most effective way to communicate with Audrey at this stage in life.

What are your favorite methods/techniques/books/etc. for effective toddler "discipline"?  (For the record, I am very much against corporal punishment, so spanking is simply not an option.)

Thanks for your input!

4 comments:

  1. Hm, I'm trying to remember what we did at that age. We might've started time-outs around that time? So probably 1 minute long (because they're one year old, 2 minutes at 2 years, etc.). With the time-out I usually try to discuss afterward what it was that got them the time-out. Did you try showing her the dings in the table, letting her feel them and explaining to her that the table isn't supposed to have those or whatever? That might get through to her better, but maybe not. You could also try showing her alternative ice cream scoop activities, so that she knows it's okay to play with, but that banging it on the table is not okay.

    That age is difficult for all the reasons you know. A lot of it will come down to consistency. It's a pain to stick them in time-out all the time or constantly take away the ice cream scoop or whatever, but they need the repeated lessons to learn. If nothing else works, you might just have to banish the ice cream scoop and any other bang-able objects to an out-of-reach location until she's a few months older and can understand even better.

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    1. We did show her that it was okay to bang the scoop on the carpet if she wanted, but it didn't help. I like the idea of letting her feel the dings on the table. It makes the consequence of her actions real that way.

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  2. That's the worst discipline age, if you ask me. I'm a geek when it comes to "behavior management." I love learning parenting tips. My current fave: Super Nanny. She follows love & logic, but it's easier to apply on a regular basis. She does have great tips for babies and toddlers. With that said, there isn't much you can do at that age. You put her in time-out and she'll just think, "okay, now I'm in a corner." Really tough to make abstract connections. Ya know?

    If it was me, every time she banged it on the table, I would take it away with a low, firm, "no." Only one and walk away. Don't console the tantrum, ignore it as best you can. That's the hardest with talker-babies. They want to convince you how bad they really want the toy. Now, if after a couple days she won't stop the banging or the tantrum, then she just can't have access to the scoop. She's just not old enough to handle it. And that makes sense. I just imagine her holding that scoop being SOOO excited to bang it. It must be hard for her to understand why she can't. Try not to have too high of expectations for her. (-This is the pot calling the kettle black, fyi. I always expect Sadie to act a year older than she is)

    Anyway, hope that helps. Read Super Nanny, she's kind of amazing. And whatever you think is right, probably is. You're a good mama and you know her better than any book does.

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    1. Ohh, I love watching Super Nanny! I will definitely check that book out. I was just telling Tony last night that I think I expect Audrey to behave so well because she's such a good talker. She can tell me, "I like cheese!" so I assume "Hey, quit banging that on the table" is a no-brainer. Not the case. :) Thanks for your input, you always make me feel better!

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