You've Got to Be Nice

I don't mean to sound braggy when I say that Audrey has a very extensive vocabulary for her age, and is a pro at communicating.  I really think she just came that way.  Because of this, I tend to expect more from her than I would your average almost-two-year-old.  I try hard to keep my expectations realistic, but it's hard sometimes because she can communicate so well.

One thing we've been really struggling with lately is meeting new kids/hitting/sharing.  Okay, so that's three, but they're all related.

Audrey would approach children on the playground, at the store, anywhere really, move their hands away from whatever they were touching and say very sternly, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE NICE!"  It was really embarrassing because she sounded and acted so mean to kids.  I started to get discouraged and tried everything to help her share and be kind to children she met, all the while realizing that she isn't even TWO yet and that I needed to chill out a bit.

I read this article and it really made me think about the whole sharing concept a bit.  While I don't agree with everything the author says, I do think that it's really not necessary to give up a toy simply because someone else wants it.  My struggle with Audrey was more regarding the ripping toys out of others' hands.

We started playing a "your turn, my turn" game and it's really been helping her share her toys because she knows eventually she will get it back.  Kids her age don't understand that someone isn't actually taking their toy forever, and it was really good to show her that no one was interested in stealing from her.  We would choose a toy (one that she cares about) and set a timer.  She would play with it for a set amount of time then we would ask, "may I have a turn, please?"  We would then play with the toy for the same amount of time then say, "okay, I'm all done, Audrey's turn!"  At first it was hard for her to understand, and she seemed nervous that she'd lost her toy, but she finally understands the concept and loves giving us turns with her toys.

The thing I was still stuck on was the moving hands and yelling "YOU'VE GOT TO BE NICE!"  I really didn't get why she was doing it.  This weekend, while visiting with Tony's family in St. Geroge, it dawned on me (with some help talking about it with my mother-in-law).  Picture this:

Audrey enters a play area where lots of kids are playing.  Because she's still a baby/very young toddler, she runs up and pushes someone off the slide because she wants a turn.  What do I do?  Rush over, move her hands, and say, "Audrey, you've got to be nice!"

Audrey sees a child with an interesting-looking toy.  She runs over to him, snatches the toy.  I remove it from her, move her hands and say, "you've got to be nice!"

Audrey is pulling on a kid's shirt because she wants to climb up the stairs to the jungle gym.  I run over, move her hands and say, "you've got to be nice!"

Anyone see the pattern here?

IT'S TOTALLY MY FAULT!!!!

Audrey must think that any time she's around kids she has to move their hands and say to them, "you've got to be nice!" because that's what I've been doing any time she interacts with children!  I don't know if she thinks its a greeting or what, but boy, do I feel silly!  Also glad that I figured it out.  I decided that I needed a new approach when we saw kids.  So, today while we were shopping she ran into some boys her age.  She began reaching for their hands like usual and I told her, "Audrey, say 'hi friends!!'"  She looked at me, seemed confused, then said "hi friends!" to the boys.  A little later she met a cute little girl just her age (we were at the mall) and she said to me, "mama, its a girl!" I said, "yeah, she looks fun!  Why don't you go say hi?"  She walked up to the little girl and said, "hi friends, nice to meet ya!" and patted her on the head.

Even more confirmation that it was my fault, haha!  I'm SO glad toddlers are so moldable.  I don't do everything right and its nice knowing that I can have a re-do now and again.  Hopefully now Audrey will be a little nicer to new kids she meets.  Lesson learned:  watch what you say and do!