Since I'm positive only 2 people read this blog, I feel like I can write a little more freely without offending or depressing too many people.
Today I was in the BYU library, partly doing my homework, partly talking to my sister online, and partly shopping for clothes and makeup when I was having a nice (kind of uneventful) conversation with my sister and all of a sudden she attacked me. I asked her about a buddy icon she had on her profile and she responded with "nothing. now don't go and tell mom like you always do". I will admit, I've played the part of tattle tale when dealing with this particular sister. Posting obscene messages on myspace for the world to see not only ruins an individual's reputation, but the family's as well. Not to mention that it was highly offensive. So, I decided to inform my parents of my sisters embarassing and immature behavior. But regardless of the few times I've "tattled" on my sisters I don't see my self as a so-called "tattle-tale".
My sister proceeded to tell me that I always "tell" on them all the time, and that I make my parents hate my younger sisters. This attack went on for about 5 minutes until I finally just quit talking. "Squeaky clean" is what my mom refers to me as, according to my sisters.
I remember when it was just Andrea and me around. We shared a room, always played together, and we were pretty good pals. Even though I was only 6 or 7 years old, I promised myself (and my teddy bear I always talked to at night) that I would be the best big sister for Andrea. I wanted to always be her friend, and be someone she could always "play with". It really, really broke my heart today when my sister told me that I am the opposite of what I intended on being. I'm not really sure what I did wrong. I always thought being "squeaky clean" was a good thing, I always did it to be a good example to those around me, especially my sisters. When faced with a decision, I often thought about how my sisters would see me if I chose to do or not do the thing at hand. I guess my efforts were all for not.
I hope that one day I can have a positive influence on someone. My sisters included. Maybe as they grow up and mature, they'll understand. I have no idea..I've never had a big sister, which is why I always wanted to be the ideal one.
Oh, I hear ya. I'm the oldest sister too, and my Mom always says I'm "too much of a mom" to my little sisters. It seems I can never find the balance of being the cool-but-concerned older sister. I actually think that type of person may not exist. But...I'm sure as you all get older, things will work out, especially if you just keep showing them how much you love them, which I can tell you do. And if it makes you feel any better, YOU'VE HAD A POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON MY LIFE! Can I just say: canoeing through the baritones when it was completely freezing outside and you were still grinning?
ReplyDeleteWell, coming from the younger and older sister end of things, I can agree whole-heartedly with Shannon (though I don't know her) and tell you that even though now it seems like nothing is going right, eventually they'll appreciate it. I know I did with my sisters, and I still have the same problem with my own younger sister. Just keep trying, everything will turn out alright eventually. Hang in there!
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